Showing posts with label 2010 stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2010 stuff. Show all posts

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The walls of entrapment

How true,looks indeed do deceive,
you can see the smile on his face,
you can see the glint in his eyes,
But damned is he forever..
for there is no one who can know the pain he feels inside..

Years ago, with dreams in his eyes,
His journey began unhintered
Sticking to his path all along, though
somewhere he faltered..

This majestic but solemn citadel encompasses him
Can't break down these dreary walls
A prisoner of his own mind
With no sign of reprieve to find

As he sifts through the ruins
There is no comfort,
no warmth for which he pines
The culmination into perdition would be his sentence..
or so a weary soul may opine...
"It had to be someone and it was me" he wails
When every reason for his predicament fails.

But then...
Hope..like a brilliant sun ray pierces a thousand black clouds
keeps him going, for he knows, destiny is his
..and this is his destiny

As I wipe that tear and place my pen down
I find the citadel around me bathed in sunlight..
The light...ever so enriching light of hope..

For hope is the greatest of all things and it never dies...

In the sands of time

The reunion/In the sands of time..


Years bygone seem like an abrasive dream
Flash do they in front of my eyes like a blur
Memories of old, flood my wavering mind
like daunting clouds approaching a docile horizon so kind..

As I look into your eyes..
after all these years
Do i still see me, I ask myself
But lost youth reflects back at me
youth lost in the sands of time..

The grains slip out of my hands
like early morning dew off a blade of grass

Unkept promises look me in the eye
with the anguish of an unborn offspring
Dreams unfulfilled stalk me
with the pain of leaves trampled by the unforgiving winter

I feel my throat cracking up
Words created but not delivered
like the love we found
shared only to lose

Your eyes swell up
I long to hold you again..
but I tremble with abject hesitation..
trepidation..

Will it be the same if I run my fingers along your tender skin
If I brush my lips against yours
If I hold you against my chest
Questions created but not delivered...

Woeful silence fills the space between us
Wistful glances exchanged

The mistakes come flooding back to haunt me
Like the roaring waves
Devouring everything.. laying waste..
desolating

The rancor of love left incomplete
of love lost
of love lost..eternally in the sands of time..

The escapades of the vagabond

Feel this urge within me
Deep like the gorges beneath
to scale the highest peaks
where the holy souls still reside
Feel my soul purged
My every inhibition and misgiving submerged

Feel this desire within me
to walk the endless of all roads
to explore the majestic of all citadels
to ascend the ladder of clouds to a heaven..
a heaven so close to earth yet so far...

Feel this need inside me
To touch the beams of sunlight impaling
the clouds in an azure sky
like rays of hope passing
the endless hordes of despair and misery, by.

I feel free to reach the horizon
where the sky and gleaming sea have a rendezvous
left my home behind but have I really?
Is it another illusion which appears true?

I can smell the freshness of the buds
innocent like that of a virgin bride..

The vagabond in me moves with knowledge..
My final stop will be the grave.. but these words
shall live on forever more!

The anguish of unfulfilled artistry

Winds of dissent rage through my mind
Coiled ideas, never do they unwind

Closing my eyes
I envision surrounds I cherish
Locales sheltered in the womb of nature
Pristine like a mother's tender touch

But this barrenness overcomes me
The seeds of doubt abundant..
They laugh at me with glee..

Stalked by this quagmire, not a way out in sight
Words trapped in the labyrinth of thoughts
As I falter and fumble to make these wrongs right..

Desolated, for this nightmare to end, I pine
Pangs of frustation, tedium run down my spine

Storms of dissent they rage through my mind
A debilitating storm, perennial..one of a kind..

Living on a prayer

What do you pray for?
I pray for restoration of my belief in love
I pray for the belief that love is not just a four letter word
and that it has an existence
I pray, above all for faith

I am not saint
I am replete with faults like any mortal
But I pray I can be the best I can
for those around me and above all for me..

I pray for my resurrection in trust
in a belief that every being is inherently good
I pray above all for faith...
What do you pray for...

I pray so I'm purged of every form of anger
from every feeling of resentment borne out of being dealt with unfairly
from every feeling of aversion towards any foe
What do you pray for?

I pray for peace of mind
to deal with the turmoil around (within?) me
But above all I pray for faith
Faith which is the essence of life itself
For Faith is a torment. It is like loving someone who is out there in the darkness but never appears, no matter how loudly you call...


The last line quoted from the movie 'Det sjunde inseglet' , one of my all time favourite movies :)

The first one..

When I wake up in the morning
I look out at the sky
and then I wait for u to call
for me to say hi

the day starts anew
when i think of u
and of how it's gonna be,with u besides me
every moment i spend with you is filled with unsurmountable glee

I take a look around,look at the world and hear the sounds
Dont know if you know it but my love for u holds no bounds
When you arent with me,time passes so slow
When i hear your voice i feel my heart glow

Never imagined i would be so proud to call someone my lil sis
but now that you are,saying that is utter bliss
From the time i've known you,dont why but i found you cute
And the pain of separation from you is always immensely acute

I'm not much of a poet as you'd know
And never have i written anything for anyone
But something about you makes my heart glow
Yes you are the one i love,the only one

How i wish for you to be here now
But i promise you sis I'll be there no matter what
To catch and wipe your tears if they ever fall
I always wanted a sis like you and what a gift from God,i got!

Every night before i sleep
I read your messages on my phone
Only we know,how our love,like an ocean,is deep
You'll always be in my heart no matter how far you've gone

Friday, December 10, 2010

Untitled.

Friends not so long ago, estranged now..
This strange conundrum of fate
Is this the end of it all?
I wonder...
Will our bond, to life's fickle whims surrender?

Flying through winds of dissent..
of shared misery
The joy of it all..
the carefree glee
mocking those with weary shoulders
the kinds fooling themselves..
the mere placeholders..

Drifting along like connoisseurs
in an endless array of delectable artforms..
now all that seems eons along

The imperfections..
the disapprobations
reared their ugly head
like a sleeping monster, out of nowhere
laying waste to what lies ahead..

You said I didn't care
that I didn't bother
I hope this lets you know, the truth couldn't be farther..

With every piece why does this jigsaw seem further incomplete?
Is this the end of it all I wonder
Gone with the wind to eternally surrender?

Monday, November 22, 2010

As embers dress the sky

Sitting under this pale imposing oak
Under the moonlit azure skies

Thirsty for your love
for your touch I pine
like the parched earth
for a drop of water so divine

I am but a marionette
on love's string
I am but a pained poet
for fickle love's whim 

Without your presence
My soul lingers on aimless
Incomplete,deformed,melancholic
obtrused by your overpowering need.
Is this the realization of a golden dawn? 
or yet does the daunting night persist

Draped in Ethereal beauty
you appear..
But the dream shatters....
shattered by the nonchalant unrelenting truth

The bitter truth ....

As I stare out into the starlit
now velvet sky
my affections seem a malediction
yet addicted am I to this sweet affliction

Here's to love, the great sickness
the herald of eternal misery....

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Russian Roulette

Gun to head and so the game begins
The bets rolling in,
the lone survivor wins..

A bullet in the chamber
Six to one the odds..
the odds of life and death..
The ghastly instant..
someone's last breath

Click Click... the chamber rotates
Time to die!
or will it be a lucky break

The greedy patrons..
boisterous..
oblivious of the horror..
the horror that swept..
the players.. face to face..
Lambs led to slaughter in this deathly race...

The cold metal against skin
Fingers trembling amid the fucking din

Trigger pulled..
The agonising wait..
But will death be fooled?

Blast goes the gun
Blood spouting out..
the game takes its price

A life lost, A dollar earned
Who's next in line to play..any takers?
for his blood, the gun next yearns..

The macabre of the game
Lost on all..the same
The addiction, the thrill
..the trip is too much to take..beyond any will..

As I place the gun to my head
I think of something I didn't to this day
Could these be my last words
these words I could just say..

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The apparitions of a time gone by

Forlorn, with an unspoken anguish
Perennial closure, my only wish

A flailing heart long mended
A wound long healed yet untended

Memories under Azure skies
desolated by an unflinching storm

Moments shared
lost in time eternal
Like tears lost
in a rain so sepulchral

This fire burns in me undeterred
The helplessness overcomes me unfettered
Remnants of hope long gone
haunt me in this battle I wage alone

As I tread on this path again
Solitude looming over my sojourn,
memories my only bane

Moments shared
lost in time eternal
Like tears lost
in a rain so sepulchral..

Monday, August 23, 2010

The Realization of a Puzzle.

                                                                                The Realization of a Puzzle.

“ Mm hmm 5 pm. Ok.” Ram hung up the phone. It was a typical April morning.  The shrill sun sending forth its beams through the light tinted glass of the windows. The continous chirping of the birds provided a pleasant if not joyous backdrop to a lazy morning. Ram’s mother was getting ready to leave for work and was in the midst of her usual hustle and bustle at this time every day. “So when is he coming?” she asked, more out of curiousity than mere concern. “5 in the evening at the station as usual.” Ram replied. It had been seven months since his father had filed for divorce. The day it happened, Ram like any other son living in the fantasy of a perfect family was shattered but with time he got used to it and what was utter disbelief and dejection at first, turned to courteous disregard as time wore on. His mother, like the firm believer in God, she was refused to employ a lawyer and presented her side of the case herself. The verdict went in her favor and the court saw no grounds to grant a divorce. Ram saw it as a triumph of courage and truth while his father saw it as a gender bias from the female judge.

“One, station” Ram bought his ticket as soon as he boarded the bus as he usually liked to do. He, though, didn’t like stepping out in the evening too much. The thought of the bus making its way through hordes of people made him want to stay home and watch people teeing off on the green instead. As he’d expected he got late owing to the traffic and saw his father waiting across the ticket counters. His father suggested going to the Irani café nearby to talk. Ashenfaced, Ram sat across his father in the café, his father, with whom he hadn’t had a decent conversation in over three years. “ So how is college?” his father asked. “Going pretty well” said Ram, as if reading from a script. “Here, this is 4000, keep it.”  His father said handing over an envelope. “Why don’t you ever call me? It’s always me calling you to check on you.” His father asked. “I’m really busy with college and my internship and so don’t really get the time.” Said Ram with a shrug of his shoulders as if to convince himself, more than his father. “Hmm. I’ve heard the chicken here is pretty good, you want something to eat?” asked his father. “Nah, I’m good.” Replied Ram almost as if wanting to end this awkward meeting”. “Okay so everything else fine?” “Mm Hmm.” “Okay then I’ll leave now. Do call me sometime okay?” “Mm okay.” Replied Ram, almost relieved that it was time to go now. After his father left, Ram decided to take a smoke. He’d been smoking now for two years oblivious to his mother of course. As he stood at the shanty , smoking, he wondered what his father would say if he saw him there smoking but, as was the case with all the other thoughts about his father, he put this one on the backburner too.
Time passed quickly, Ram was busy with his BMS classes and preparing for his imminent MBA entrance exams. 
                Meanwhile he and his mother were invited over at his aunt’s place to celebrate the occasion of his aunt’s 40th birthday. Knowing that his father would be present there along with the rest of their family with whom, he hadn’t really interacted much after the problems between his parents, Ram was quite reluctant to go. Eventually he ended up going after all since his aunt, with whom he was quite close since he was little, insisted on him coming. While greeting his family members after quite a long time, the awkwardness was quite palpable from his face and mannerisms. He talked a bit to his father, in the inhibited way he usually did and then mostly kept to himself and his earphones. “What are you listening to?” his 11 year old sister asked him. “Nothing, Just some music.””Can I play on your mobile?” “Alright but I don’t have many games, just one where you have to complete a jigsaw puzzle. Here I’ll show you how to play.” “Thanks so much bro!” “Its okay but be careful alright?” “Mm hmm” his sister replied, now completely engrossed in the game.
After dinner, he went into the room where all the men of the family were having a chat over few drinks. “Want something Ram?” his uncle asked him. Knowing his father was in the same room, Ram quite sheepishly asked what they were having. “Vodka” his uncle replied. “Have you ever had any?” “No.” lied Ram conveniently overlooking those birthday parties with his friends. “Here try a shot. Don’t worry I’ll talk to your father.” Ram, somewhat reassured now, had the pint. He saw his uncle talking to his father from a distance. Though he couldn’t actually guess what he said, but he could make out that his father looked quite okay with it. “So how many times have you had drinks before?” his father said as he sat next to him with his glass. “Just a couple of times, with friends, only beer though.” Ram replied nervously. “And your mother knows?” “No, you know her, she’ll just freak out. It’s okay though. I’m 19 now and I do it responsibly.” “ Do you know why I allowed you to drink here?” “No. Why?” “Because I know you are young and you will want to try things but at least I want you to try them in front of me rather than with people who you may think are your friends.” When his father said that Ram could only look up at him and smile. First time he had done that in years, he realized. “Ram, I know circumstances have been difficult for us lately, but I want you to think of me as a friend first. I always think that eases the gap between a father and a son and helps build trust. I know you’re a responsible kid but I also know trust is a two way street. I can’t expect you to trust me unless I trust you first. So anytime you need to talk about anything, you can come to me.” “Yes dad.” was all Ram could say, finding it hard to hide his surprise at his father’s words. Ram and his father talked some more and gradually Ram could feel the ice cracking after all these years. “Alright. I think I better sleep now. I have to leave for Bhopal tomorrow. I’ll be back in a week or so though.” His father said as he got up. “I’ll call you dad.” Ram said with a smile. Just then his sister came running into the room,” I did it bro! The puzzle is complete!”


This life is too short to mull over what’s wrong. Many a times the answers to all our questions are right there in front of us, but we are just too afraid or too rigid to recognize them J.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Of shiny pastels and mean 'taches

Once upon a time in Mumbaai begins with a disclaimer that the story is purely fictional and bears no resemblance to the life of Haji Mastan whatsoever, which ofcourse only buttresses the prevailing feeling that the movie is indeed a memoir of his life.
Ajay Devgan stars as Sultan who fulfils a meteoric rise from the life of a boy working in coal mines to the most powerful Don in the city. Emraan Hashmi stars as Shoaib, the son of a policeman, a brash and uncouth youngster who’s only aim in life is to be like Sultan. Although like always Devgn is compact in his performance, it is Hashmi who really rules the roost in this movie. He puts in a domineering performance as the young understudy and even exhibits miniscule shades of Tony Montana from Scarface. The female characters are pretty much relegated to pretty meaningless roles in this one and often border on helplessness which is really a huge chink in this film’s armor.
However the movie does adequately manage to recreate the atmosphere of 1950-60s Bombay with shiny pastels and old-fashioned sunglasses. The dialogues are crisp, however going overboard at times and bordering on ostentation. Although the movie does provide some good moments, it  eludes belief in some parts where everything seems to fall into place too easily. The background score is catchy however it is a riff you may have heard already.
To conclude Once upon a time in Mumbaai is a decent mafia flick and worth a single watch atleast considering the voluminous production of absolute non-watchers from Bollywood recently.