Sunday, January 16, 2011

Assertions of a labyrinthine mind

The cello, I believe was invented for the single purpose of evoking an emotion in those, listening to it.

All around me I see caricatures. The ideal son, the ideal brother, the ideal lover, the ideal student, the ideal disciple, the ideal.. well pervert, yeah there are those too. I look at myself and wonder, which one am I?

They say things aren't usually what they appear. But if I believe in the world I see around me, I also believe the above caricatures aren't just mythical beings or prototypes created to control the chaos around us. I guess now that I think of it, maybe I do have miniscule traces of each these caricatures in me but I also do know I'm a very good liar. Sorry about that guys.

There are points in everyone's life when they, as they put it, take stock of their life. Look at what they have and what they lack. I've also read somewhere that it is important in life, to not necessarily be happy or content but to feel happy. It is also implied in various self-help books and through mundane advise that you should be happy for what you have, money, a home, clothes.(Although I should state here that I indeed am thankful for a lot of things that do matter in my life and I always will be). But it always struck me, why do we have to measure this happiness, per se, in terms of material possessions? Will these acquisitions truly make anyone happy? It's what we encounter on a daily basis. Our priorities sway from week to week, day to day, sometimes. Once we acquire something we want, there's no time to sit back, feel gratified and be happy about it, the dash begins as we pursue the next thing we crave. It's like going around in circles with no stop signs in sight.

What pleases me amidst all this is while my life has gone on, I've started developing a tendency to find happiness in the smallest of things, which usually are the purest and the most sacrosanct and yet regretfully neglected by most. Looking back, if I may now, I feel like my life was pretty much mapped out for me for the last ten years at least. Having said that, during any fleeting yet cherishable moments of weakness, where I wished things were different, I am the only one I can find to blame. And I can safely say that, the fact that I can say that so assuredly is very calming and soothing because it emblazons me with the assurance that at least a part of my destiny is within my control if not all of it.
What scares me more about myself is not the turbulence that persists within me but how I can so effectively and effortlessly conceal it from those around me.

Dedicated to everyone who has been there for me and helped me make what I am now :)

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